Most of us like to help and support someone facing emotional disturbance or suffering from depression by talking to the person, showing sympathy, try to understand their feeling, analyzing situations from their perspective without being judgemental and offers solutions. These things do help the person to find a sense of relief and helps him to move on. This sympathy does work as a powerful healer
But we need to ask ourselves:
Do we do this sympathy and analysis for ourselves? or
Do we try to understand our own feelings? or
Do we ever appreciate our state of mind?
Many would answer ‘NO’ to the above questions. The reason for a ‘NO’ could be: unaware of how to do it or Feels it’s a waste of time or Some may think it’s selfish.
If you answer yes, then you are VERY WELL on the right track of ‘SELF-EMPATHY’.
The Process of SELF-EMPATHY
It is a part of SELF-TALK where person appreciates his own state of mind and understand his own feelings without being judgemental and overcomes unnecessary self-criticism. It helps and brings positive transformation in you in the following ways:
Appreciate your own feeling
|Appreciating your own feeling, it means to be aware of the existence of particular thought or thoughts and feelings connected to it. Unless you ready to accept the fact that particular thought or thoughts (negative or positive) cross your mind more than usual, you will not be able to identify the feeling attached to it.|
Don’t be judgmental on yourself
Usually, our thoughts are connected to some sort of judgment and this judgment may lead to self-criticism.
To prevent self-criticism and promote self-empathy, face the thoughts coming to your mind without categorizing into good or bad.
Try to identify the feelings attached to these thoughts.
Once you identify the feelings, ask yourself a few questions like—
Am I being too harsh on myself?
Is this act of self-criticism helping me?
Am I expecting too much from myself or others?
Then tell yourself a few solutions like:
I can improve and it’s okay to take time
Criticizing myself or others will not help, I tried my best.
This way you will clarify your thought process and know yourself better.
It becomes easy to show compassion to yourself once you develop clarity of mind.
Sympathy with yourself
Clarity of thoughts helps you to connect to yourself better and thus would make you realize the importance of showing sympathy to yourself.
Clarity of mind usually brings kindness and compassion to the behavior. Start to show compassion to yourself and begin the journey of healing by yourself.
As we know our thoughts and feelings, may it be positive or negative, have the connection with our inner-self and just like we show sympathy to others to calm them down, our inner-self also needs calmness in hard times.
We look to outer-world for this calmness and stability, while remaining unaware of how powerful we are as a healer for ourselves.
This small act of showing kindness to ourselves can help to heal the bigger issues of life.
It helps to develop the way for negative emotions to flow out and make space for positivity.
Few conversations that can be done as a part of self-empathy
‘I tried my best and will try better next time’
‘I deserve a little break from issues to heal myself’
‘It’s okay to move slowly. The main thing is I am still moving’
‘Things are not delayed, I am only taking the time to understand things better. Once I am ready things will go faster’
‘I was not rude, I stood for myself and next time I will do the same but maybe in a more polite manner’
These are a few kinds of conversations which not only help you develop self-empathy but develop inner-strength as well.
Our inner-strength is connected to calmness.
More calm you are from inside, better strength you develop to deal outside. How we face life situations depends on how calm we are.
Once we learn to face situations with calmness, we gain strength.
Just like a CBT (cognitive behavior therapy), done by a therapist for depression and other issues, we do our own therapy in the form of Self-empathy which is similar to CBT. This opens the way to self-motivation and decreases the frequency of depressive episodes.
This self-compassion and self-empathy help to construct the bridge which was missing between our inner and outer world and helps us to analyze the emotional fluctuations and fix the issue with practical analysis.
Stabilize your emotions
Self-empathy helps you stabilize the emotions and thus give you strength, increases will power and helps you to nurture yourself with positive reinforcements.
One thing should be to address here is that SELF-EMPATHY does not mean to nurture your negative emotions or temptations or unnecessary desires, It simply means to connect to yourself in a better and more compassionate way to address the important issues of life and deal these with courage and calmness.
Follow the process of SELF-EMPATHY and feel the positive transformation that you are waiting for so long.